FALE

My name is Natasha Oladokun, and I am best friends with Awkward.

I feel like I should really just save the world the trouble and wear a giant name tag that says "Prone to awkward moments, socialize at your own peril." Here are just a few of the typical, recurring FALE At Life moments that always seem to happen to me... please tell me I am not alone and that at least one of these has happened to you, too.

#1. The Head-Nod
You see someone you kinda sorta know, and in a split second you have to make a decision based on the following thoughts simultaneously wizzing through your brain: Do I act like I don't know them? Should I smile? Should I say "Hey, what's up?" How fast are they walking? Do they look like they have time to talk? What's their name, even? Oh dangit they're making eye contact!
And instead of just looking down at your shoes, you find yourself just half-smiling really awkwardly <---(Key word) and giving them one of those shy little head-nods that look like you have a twitch in your neck.

#2. Inappropriate Responses
Someone tells you "Happy Birthday!" and you instinctively respond "Thanks, you too!" FALE.

#3. Texting the wrong thing to the wrong person. Is it really my fault that I have like 6 Emily's and 9 Sarah's in my contacts list?!

#4. Laughing at something that really didn't need to be laughed at.
Me: "Your nickname as a kid was 'Bunnyboo?' HAHAHAHA!"
Friend: " 'Bunnyboo' was what my grandma used to call me. Before she died."
*awkward silence*

#5. Not knowing what to say to a stranger in an elevator.
Me: "Um, going up?"
Stranger: "We're on the ground floor, aren't we?"

#6. Introducing someone and forgetting their name.
(Actually, with some skill, this can be avoided. All you have to do is introduce the person who's name you do remember, and let them take over from there. Crisis averted.)

#7. Introducing someone and calling them by the wrong name.
(There is no way to avert this crisis. Sorry.)

#8. Walking past a friend and saying Hi to them, but they don't hear you.
Dilemma: You can either be ghetto and and start yelling, "Hey I WISH you would walk away from me like you don't know me! Yeah you! Turn aroun-- I said turn around, fool-- Mhmm yes you, ok now I believe you were about to say hello to me?" OR You can just look down at your shoes and let the rest of the world think you have no friends.

#9. Fist-bumps that never actually materialize.
And you're left. Standing there. With your fist outstretched. Not cool.

#10. Unison Greetings
You and the person you're talking to don't allow each other to answer each other's questions and end up going through the whole formal greeting completely in unison: "Hey! How are you? I'm fine, thanks..."*awkward laugh*

#11. The "Do I hug you or not?" Stance
You stretch out your arms and halfway think, "Wait, is this ok? Do I even know them like that?" So you pull back, but the other person has reached out to hug you too... and by the end of it all, the air between you both has gotten more love than you have.

#12. That 6 second pause when you and your acquaintance have exhausted all appropriate topics during a phone conversation and neither of you know what to say next.
Yep. You know the one.

#13. When you snort while laughing and try to cover it up by coughing
Never seems to work for me.

#14. When you're in a public bathroom and the person in the stall next to you is divulging their entire life's story on their cell phone
Mmmmhmm.


#15. When you trip over your own feet.
Apparently saying "Hey! Who put that there?" when there is nothing even on the ground doesn't work as a distraction.


*Sigh.*

Moral of the Story: Actually, I'm not actually sure if there even is one...