I Am Seriously About Ready to Just Cut This Hair Off

I've had it. I'm done. Through. Finished. I am not doing this ANYMORE. I have come to the point of no return, and I definitely am not going back!

"Done with what?" you ask? Well I'm happy to tell you. I'm going to cut my hair. Short.

Since December of last year, I have been going through a process known as "going natural." To cut a long story short <---[see what I did there? Cut? Short? ;) hehe], what this means is that for almost my entire life, I permed my hair so that it was straight like this:

And that was all fine and great, because my hair has always been long and SUPER voluminous so that it could look like this if I wanted it to:

But let's face it...not exactly a hot look. So why, why would I put all those awful straightening chemicals (also known as "relaxer") in my very own God-given hair? *Sigh.* Because I wanted the "convenience" of having straight hair all the time. But let me tell you, that jank is terrible.
And here's why.

Number 1: It smells just stank nasty when you're applying it. I've never smelled a burning ferret, but I imagine that that's what chemical relaxer smells like.

Number 2: It burns your scalp if you leave it on for more than 5 minutes. For those of you who have never experienced a chemical burn ON YO' HEAD (stop and think on these things), let me break this down for you. Imagine, I dunno, 5,000,000 red ants let loose on your scalp. And they decide to have lunch. On you. Literally.

Number 3: Once you chemically straighten your hair, you can't apply heat to it with a curling iron, flat iron, anything. I mean, you can, but if you do it long enough your hair starts to fall out. I'm not even playing.

Number 4: You have to go through this entire painful process every 4-6 weeks. Oh heck-to-the- no.

So, I decided that I was going to follow in the footsteps of the many other daring women before me who have stopped using hair relaxer and have gone back to their beautiful naturally curly hair. Which is great, except for one little tiny detail. I now have to "transition." And believe me when I tell you that "transitioning" is just a euphemism for "the most annoying 8-18 months of any human being's entire life."

You see, the one thing that relaxer never bargained for is this. It forgot that human hair ACTUALLY FREAKIN' GROWS BACK. After several months of not relaxing, my curly hair at my roots is fighting with the straight ends so that I have two completely different hair textures on my head at the same time! And with my bob haircut, that means that "the back of my head is ridiculous," with short curly hair in the back and straight hair in the front. When I blow dry it, it looks like this:


I refuse to look like an anime cartoon for the rest of my young adult life.

And so, toward the end of July, I plan on cutting off the straightened ends, and begin sportin' my naturally curly (but pretty short) hair, starting completely from scratch! It should look something like this:



But until then...

I Am Seriously About Ready to Just Cut This Hair Off.