the first week of Christmas

CHRISTMASTIME IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so... I'm a little excited, to say the least. And you know what? It's not my fault. I mean, my own name means "Christmas child," so... yeah. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

There. I said it. 

SO in the spirit of the most wonderful time of the year, I would like to discuss the lyrics of a little Christmas ditty that is soooo creepy if you just stop to think about it. :D

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

 

Ok, so, first of all, if I were a little kid waiting for Santa Claus to show up, THIS WOULD NOT BE COMFORTING. What the heck you mean "you better watch out, you better not cry"?! Sounds to me like the angry threat of a frazzled mom at a grocery store (yeah you know the one--the one with the kid screaming and throwing a straight FIT in the cereal aisle). First line of the song and people are already out of control. Smh. 

He's making a list,
Checking it twice;
Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.
Santa Claus is coming to town

All right now hold up. If he's Santa, and he's supposed to know who all the naughty kids are, WHY does he need to check the list TWICE? I mean, isn't that your JOB, Father Christmas?! And this so-called "naughty-nice" list. Can we say completely arbitrary? I mean, if I broke into someone's house in the middle of the night, left a whole bunch of jank in their living room, then ate all the milk and cookies they had, I feel like that would qualify as some serious naughty status. Sound familiar?

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

WAIT WAIT WAIT A MINUTE. Ok now we're just crossing into some creeper-imma-watch-you-sleep-cuz-I'm-weird-like-that territory. Listen, Sketchmeister. It is NOT ok to watch people sleep. Are you an anesthesiologist? No. No, I didn't think so.

With little tin horns and little toy drums
Rooty toot toots and rummy tum tums
Santa Claus is coming to town

Now you're just making words up, Dr. Seuss.

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake
Goodness sake

Didn't I just tell you that this is socially unacceptable behavior?!

 

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming
Santa Claus is coming
Santa Claus is coming to town

Ok, ok, we get it. He's coming. Sheesh.
 

So actually I'm really not here to rain on your parade if you grew up with Santa Claus as a kid. :) I don't have anything against the man in the red suit, to be honest. In fact, it doesn't matter how many times I watch The Santa Clause, The Polar Express, or Miracle on 34th Street--I will get a little teary-eyed literally every single time. 

What I do worry about is that if we're not careful, we forget about why we're even celebrating Christmas at all. Hey, I know that I forget a lot of times. I mean, I'm an obsessive Christmas decorator; I blast carols starting November 1, every year-- unfailingly; I squeal like a child when I see the lights; I beam from ear to ear when someone tells me "Merry Christmas." But let's be real, if Jesus hadn't been born, none of this stuff would even matter. Actually, we probably wouldn't even be celebrating anything. December would just be another mehhh winter month.

You know, if every year on my birthday people spent the whole day fussing over how great the cake is, fussing over how awesome the decorations for my party are and whatnot, and they didn't ever stop to say, "Hey, happy birthday, Natasha. I really love you, you know that?" I know I'd feel pretty down. Excluded, even.  I really don't want to make that kind of mistake with Jesus. He deserves way more.

The Moral of the Story: Jesus may not need a "Happy Birthday," but I don't doubt he'd love to hear it from you. :)

stuff UVA people like

1. Not wearing pants.
    a. This includes wearing leggings with nothing to cover their donks: i.e. wearing leggings with no sweatshirt, over-sized t-shirt, skirt, dress, SOMETHING with which to cover that which needs not be seen by me. Or anyone else.
    b. This also includes wearing shorts. In 42 degree F weather. 
 which leads me to...
2. Not wearing things that make sense in general.
Can someone just please explain to me WHO the ham sandwich told these UVA girls that it's ok to wear booty shorts--I'm talking about scraps of material that look like something originally intended to be a belt--in the freezing cold?! I mean, if you're trying to do your thing at the beach in the summer, then I really can't judge. BUT SERIOUSLY. If it's cold enough to wear UGG boots/rain boots with that same gray sweatshirt with the navy blue lettering saying "VIRGINIA" on it, then it's cold enough to FREAKIN COVER YOUR LEGS. I don't need to see that. 


3. Not wearing things at all. Because nothing says, "I'm a responsible individual!" like streaking where old ladies and children can see you in all your glory. 

4. To abbrevs stuff. "I was gonna go to the AFC before going to the Pav, but then I realized I was running late for my meeting with my SR. So I totes had to cut through the IRC, but then I bumped into my PA, and we talked forever, so I took the NL back to central grounds." <--HUH?!


5. To make an infernal racket outside my house at 1:00 in the morning. TAKE YOUR JIGGY KRUNK SOMEWHERE ELSE


6. Vegan cookies. This I simply will not understand. It's like trying to eat a tree. A very small tree.


7. The North Face. As opposed to the South Butt...?


8. Winning football games. Because it means something when we do. 


9. Dance parties. <--This is acceptable. Except when it involves #5.

10. Doing trifling things at the dining hall. Like pouring chocolate milk on your Lucky Charms. <--Seriously. I saw this happen. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. 


10. Studying abroad. Everyone must study abroad, that way there's never anyone in Charlottesville. It's what Jefferson would have wanted, anyway.
speaking of which...
11. Thomas Jefferson. 


The Moral of the Story: WahooWhat...?


Disclaimer: I love the student body of UVA like crazy. And I love UVA in general. So I can sass it if I want. 

why yes, my name does happen to be Sassy McSasspants.

Wow has it been a crazy week! But I have survived, and in one whole piece. 

I know, I know, I just put up a picture of Charlie Sheen. Harass me in person. 

Anyhoo, I have been eagerly awaiting the moment when I could finally reply to my dear friend Jenna's most recent blog response. :) YAY!

For those of you who have not been keeping up with this little blog skirmish:

1) Read my previous post. 

b) Follow the link to Jenna's page. http://irrationallyirked.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-am-irrationally-irked-by-inaccurate.html

III) Read her blog because it's awesome.

g) Come back to my page from hers

5) Continue reading below

For those of you who have been following, feel free to continue reading. 

I quote Jenna's Response To My Response: 

" 1. Duh. My list was of things I could do in a 26 hour day. Not what I would actually do. (Proven by the existence of my original #8.)
2. All I can say is that she knows me well enough to realize that I would still always be running late to Hebrew, even with two extra hours in my day.
3. Have you read my blog? I'm pretty sure there's no shame here. 
4. I think she means LEARN to make a fort out of socks. Because that would really be impressive. Especially considering how few socks I have. 
5. Good concession. (Ha. Concession. Like concessions. As in food. Fitting.)
6. I'll give her that one.
7. Clearly, I would do both. 
8. I don't need two extra hours to go on dates with George (yes, first name basis.) We go on biweekly dates already actually. 
9. THIS IS WHERE MY CAREFUL REPUDIATION OF HER LIST ENDS. 
Natasha.
"IT'S JUST WRONG, STUPID AND AWKWARD NOT TO USE THE OXFORD COMMA."


THERE IS NO OXFORD COMMA IN THAT STATEMENT. SUCH PHRASING WOULD NEVER, EVER BE ON A FLAG I CREATED BECAUSE I WILL ALWAYS LOVE AND SUPPORT SAID MARK OF PUNCTUATION."

Now here is My Response to Jenna's Response to My Response:

1. Yes, it was a list of things you could actually do. You are completely correct in asserting that. I am also completely correct in asserting that it also serendipitously happens to be a list of things you also would do, if allotted the time. It's ok, boo, we're all friends here. 

2. "All I can say is that she knows me well enough to realize that I would still always be running late to Hebrew, even with two extra hours in my day." Dang straight.

3. This is true--there is no shame in your blog. But even you know that some things cannot be retold with accuracy on the interwebz. "

4. "Learn" to make a fort out of socks? Por favor. False modesty does not become us, my dear. You could make a sock fort out of a single packet of socks. I know of your ways with the Force. <-- This is me calling you out.

5. See what I meant by arsenal of puns in number 11 of my previous list? Natasha wins again. 

6. More points for me.

7. You would flash mob while bowling. Don't even play. 

8. ...

9. SAYING THAT IT IS "JUST WRONG, STUPID AND AWKWARD NOT TO USE THE OXFORD COMMA" WITHOUT ACTUALLY USING THE OXFORD COMMA SHOWS HOW WRONG, STUPID, AND AWKWARD IT IS. *sigh* We are clearly on the same page in this regard. 

Moral of the Story: To quote the adolescent we all know and love, Jenna, "Imma tell ya one time..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHVhwcOg6y8&ob=av2n

But seriously. Read Jenna's blog. :) 

 

add some sass to your 26 hour day

My lovely friend Jenna is an absolutely fabulous blogger. I'm pretty jealous, actually. Whenever I read her stuff, I literally have to cover my mouth with both hands and do the "wiggle-stomp-my-feet-silently-because-i'm-about-to-go-on-myself" dance in my chair to keep from guffawing out loud like a fool on laughing gas. 

I may or may not have been kicked out of public places for disturbing the peace while reading her writing.

In one of her recent posts, she created a list of all the things she would do in a 26 hour day. I've attached the list here for your convenience:

"Things I could do in a 26 hour day:
1. Finish hw (for once)
2. Learn a new musical instrument (guitar, harp, banjo, pretty much anything but a shofar)
3. Write more blog posts
4. Do laundry on a regular basis
5. Eat a meal that in no way involves food from Panera
6. Read something not assigned by a professor
7. Go bowling
8. Go on a date (this could, in theory, also be #7) (just a suggestion)
9. Start hiking again
10. Jam with musical friends. So many musical friends.
11. Create an internal arsenal of  puns that are ready for any occasion."

Granted, it's a nice-sounding list. But it's all wrong. 

Jenna Monell, you and I both know darn well that that is not what you would do in a 26 hour day. Here's a reality check for you, toots.

What Jenna would really do in a 26 hour day:

1. Procrastinate doing hw for 2 extra hours 
2. Learn how to play the shofar (for the sole purpose of blowing into it obnoxiously in the halls of Old Cabell as she runs to Hebrew class in the morning)
3. Get into situations too awkward to blog about 
4. Procrastinate doing laundry and instead make a fort out of her socks
5. I'll give her #5, it's probably true
6. Procrastinate reading that other thing
7. Forget that she was there to go bowling, and start a flash mob in front of the shoe check-out counter.
8. Go on a date... with George Clooney (I figured I should be at least a little bit nice.)
9. Go on a hike, and plant a flag on the top of the mountain that says "IT'S JUST WRONG, STUPID AND AWKWARD NOT TO USE THE OXFORD COMMA"
10. By "jam with musical friends," she really means pulling a Kanye West at a Justin Bieber concert. "Imma let you finish, JB, but Natasha Oladokun is the best blogger of all time!" :D (ok... maybe that one was a stretch. But I couldn't resist. :D) 
11. She already has an intense arsenal of puns at her disposal, so I have no idea what she's talking about there. 

The Moral of the Story:  I forgot to mention that I would totally be doing all those things right along with her.


See Jenna's blog of awesomeness here: http://irrationallyirked.blogspot.com/